Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
