People in love make me want to vomit
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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