Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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