Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
