I can text with my tongue
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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