what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
