I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
