Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize