walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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