I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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