Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the day after is always just damage control
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
