Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
