i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Farmville is her only friend.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
