you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it's like iHOP with fire
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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