he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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