lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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