he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Michael Bay diarrhea
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
