very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
