but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
