woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
