Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
