You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
