The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
