If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
