There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
