There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
