Me. At least after what I've been through.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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