i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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