Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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