I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
