my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
