your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
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I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
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Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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