quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
