I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
