I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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