this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
