You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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