Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
