I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
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still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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