We won't sleep together?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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