I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
