I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
