the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
