shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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