I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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