My nipple is on Facebook.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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