In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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