I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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