I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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