it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
