Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
