Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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