Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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