haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
