Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
