I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
