It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
