im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?