I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.