Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire