i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle