Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.