Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.