There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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