you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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