he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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