Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I touched a dick in church today
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
